We all know that Bruce Wayne spent age traveling the world , get over all manner of esoteric mental and physical disciplines to become the Dark Knight . But there ’s no way of life he can do all that and be a bomb - fucking cocksman , too . There is no doubt in my creative thinker that Batman is very defective at The Sex .
He ’s the World ’s Greatest Detective and one of the most formidable multi - style belligerent to ever walk the earth . But the very fact that he ’s human means that Batman has to be bad at something . Traditionally , his helplessness has been interpersonal relationships . account has shown that squad - ups are always rough with the Caped Crusader . If he ’s right about something , he ’s a smug screw . If Superman or the pardner in query scoop him , he brood like a piddling spunk . He ’s not been a bang-up surrogate son or forefather either , what with all the gruff , distant singlemindedness he foists on his crime - fighting . And if you ca n’t relate to the great unwashed , then you ca n’t relate to your buff . Bruce Wayne has probably never gotten anybody off in his integral adult life .
Here ’s how Batman ’s initial sexual encounters likely go : Somewhere , deep under the ever - looping chronological succession of his parent ’ deaths , Bruce ’s libido set off from being suppressed so long . He undoes the biometric locking mechanism on the public utility company belted ammunition , mutely promising himself it ’s drop dead to be dissimilar this fourth dimension . Catwoman or whomever uncase off that organic structure armor , reveal the well-defined figure beneath . ( The exercising weight of Batman ’s publishing chronicle suggests that he ’s heterosexual , so permit ’s just roll up with that . It probably would n’t be any dissimilar if he was n’t . ) “ Look at those oblique , ” intend Selina to herself . “ All those scars . This is gon na be hot as hell . ” Five minutes in , it ’s “ what the fuck is he doing with his pinkie ? ! Is … is that a lock - pick technique ? Jesus Christ , he has no idea what he ’s doing , does he ? ”
Bruce does n’t call the sunrise after . He ’ll blame everything on his mommy issues , if he ever hold anything go skew-whiff in the sacque . He likely ca n’t achieve coming unless his collaborator whisper Martha into the bonnet ’s pointy ear . ( Yeah , of course the masquerade and hood outride on the whole time . “ It … it ’s my straight self . ” )
But wait , you say ! The Dark Knight has come back from gruesome trauma and defend through the Scarecrow ’s fear gas with nothing more than his unbelievable will . Batman ’s have near - total ascendancy of his mind and body ! The central Book there is “ near . ” Picture 20 - something Bruce learning tantric meditation from some ancient yogi with a foresighted , grey beard . He ’s already mastered the techniques to get his body to mend itself and make it so that thought and action are one . You imagine he ’s sticking around so that he can learn to delay his own orgasm and have sexual activity for six hour square ? Nah , son ; he ’s got a plane to catch . If you ’re looking to become the black - cloaked embodiment of vengeance itself , sexual practice - having is n’t exactly a vital tool for pull ahead the war on offense .
You know how Bruce is always agitate romantic interestingness away from him ? “ My charge does n’t provide room for attachment , ” he grunts . “ The base hit of Gotham City come before anything , ” he ’ll growl . All of that is codification for “ Sorry I finish before you did . ” He kick in Talia , Catwoman , and those other doomed women the stiff arm because he does n’t want further confirmation that he ’s a five - pump patsy .
Ultimately , Batman ’s a self - centered dude who could n’t get go of his injury . He ’s saved Gotham and the world many times over , but pleasance is essentially a foreign construct to him . If you want to sweep through a Bat - dude , get some of that trapeze action from Nightwing . He ’s in reality feel joyfulness in his living and hasa legendary assto boot .
Batman
Daily Newsletter
Get the best tech , science , and civilisation news in your inbox day by day .
News from the future tense , have to your present tense .
You May Also Like
