Today ’s “ Postal Apocalypse ” will satisfy you like nothing ever has . And while you scan it , your big cat will be giving you a judging feeling . ensure to netmail your questions to[email protect ] , but for now , on with the sexy times !
Partyman
Todd R. :
Rob , our apocalyptical postman ! This may fall out if your legal power , but I doubt it since everything seems to be game .
I ’m having a great party for my forty-second birthday , because , hey , 42 ! It ’s a costume party in a couple week . Everyone has been ask to come as a superhero , either an “ be ” one or make up their own .
Here ’s where you come in . I need melodic theme for me . My wife is run short as Hit Girl , but mostly because she wish purple . I ’ve retrieve about Axe Cop , Captain Hammer and many others . Then I realized I have a giant opportunity . I am entice dozens and dozen of unsuspicious superheroes to our home . I should be a super villain ! Plus , I ’ve entirely got a sinister handle bar mustache go on . ( See photo . ) I could rule the world with one batch of poisoned margaritas ! However , I call for name and costume idea . Thanks !
By the elbow room , I realize I am clearly too cultivated to be a good super villain , but I ’ll ham it up for a dark .
aboveboard , if you ’re talking about comic supervillains , which I assume you are , there are n’t a gross ton of them that have mustaches and/or beards . There ’s Sinestro , there ’s Jeff Bridges ’ translation of Obadiah Stane from the first Iron Man motion picture , and there ’s also Terence Stamp ’s General Zod from Superman II , which includes the welfare of you being able-bodied to scream “ KNEEL BEFORE ZOD ! ” at random at your guests all night .
I mean , you need to have someone pretty recognizably vicious so your guests all get the jest , right ? And I ’m get into not all of your booster are nerds , or may bring non - nerd date . So for my money , there ’s only one selection …
Cesar Romero ’s Joker from Batman ’ 66 . Shave the whiskers , put clown white over that beautiful mustache of yours , and get your evil laugh quick . Everyone will cognize you ’re the Joker and a supervillain , and those that acknowledge Batman ’ 66 will recognise the genius of the costume . And make certain you beam me a exposure .
Down the Bat - Pole
Mr. Black :
Ok , so inspired by this weeks enquiry about X - serviceman ’s penises , I ’m wondering about Batman ’s sexual artistry . Sure , the canyon material mention he had family relationship with few of the usual Bat - world suspect like Selina Kyle , and Vicky Vale , but I ’m marvel how good is he in reality in bed . Is he the dark stallion , or a bat - flatus .
The path I see it , things can go two ways – very bad : since he ’s so obsessed with vengeance / guilt / need for justice / plain ol’ sadism , he ’s too focussed on the dour side of life / human emotions to have much knowledge and experience in nonchalantly dating and bally department ( In his shaping days did he go to drink - fest sorority - political party ? No , he meditated on some god - abandon mountain peak and brooded ! ) .
So that think of he could be really pretty incompetent when it ’s meter for hanky - panky , and , consecutively , all of his hanger - on babes could really mean even less than assumed to him , and are actually more or less subtly manipulated just to acknowlege he slept with all of them to keep on the appearance of him being a sure-footed Corinthian .
Not so bad : He focuses all the lust , necessitate for erotic love he never had and/or never can have and of course his vast agility into unbelievable thaumaturgy in bed . He pluck them by the 100 , goes on banging the living daylight out of them and they most probably feel like they wresseled Killer Crock for 12 round afterwards , but it was one of the most overall extreme forcible exercise they ’ll get in their whole lifespan .
The downside is that he does it automatically , animalistic . His dick is so powerful like there ’s a green Power ring around it , but his eyes are still those of sad and lose 10y.o . boy . Which can also make problems with real , true beloved interests .
Your opinion ?
First of all , give thanks you , because I will never get the double of Bruce Wayne ragefucking some poor debutante while his eyes pool with tears at the eternal nuisance at having lost his parent as a child . I may never be capable to read a Batman comic again .
But that does n’t mean I ca n’t address the inquiry . I assume Bruce has to do some aphrodisiac times to maintain his reputataion , although it ’s certainly right smart less than the public think . But if he never had sex with the candy draped around his limb , eventually someone would figure it out , and Bruce ’s cover would be blown . So Batman has a vested interest in hump crud , is what I ’m saying .
As for his skill spirit level ? Well , since the define feature of the modernistic Batman is that he ’s prepared for any contingency , this means he has prepared for a position that he literally has to get it on his way out of . At some point — unbelievable as it may voice — Batman ’s sexual proficiency may be the thing that saves his biography , so I envisage Batman is ready to commit some mindblowing tantric folly . Obviously , I suppose Batman would judge to avoid this place as much as possible — if he had the chance , he ’d start to seduce someone , but then furnish them unconscious — but if his penis is the only thing put up between him and the destruction of Gotham City , he ’s ready .
And a note on Batman ’s phallus , which I thought of last weekand feel compelled to share with you — I do n’t think it ’s the biggest penis out there , just like Batman ’s not the biggest , strong buster . Batman ’s body is the human body at its maximum forcible potency , which means his phallus is at the maximum potential difference , too . Which is n’t entirely about size of it , but also interest girth and soma . It ca n’t be too bountiful , because that could offend some folk , plus it would likely get in the fashion of his crimefighting . There ’s some perfect size proportion out there for provide maximal sexual delight to the greatest amount of people , and that ’s where Batman ’s penis is at . Now someone demand me about Superman ’s dick .
https://gizmodo.com/is-warner-bros-just-too-stupid-to-make-a-justice-leagu-486215257
Money Talks
Jeffer M.
Ever notice how so many superheroes are white men who are royal or blue blood ? The Scarlet Pimpernel ’s a baronet . The Shadow is a”wealthy , unseasoned man about town . ” Zorro ’s a noble “ don . ” Tarzan ’s a lord . The Green Hornet ’s a “ wealthy young newspaper publisher . ” Doc Savage is fat as crap . The Avenger ’s a millionaire . Mandrake the Magician ? Extremely wealthy . Batman ? Duh . The Green Arrow , Ironman , Dr. Strange . . . the list just keeps blend . So do you think that the theme of a privileged white man who fights injustice and right wrong sort of fulfills a psychotic person - societal need for the atonement of the white male power figure who ’ve find the western hemisphere since at least the middle ages ? And all the atrocities and totalitarianism perpetrated by the serviceman ? Do snowy guys love Batman part because he legitimizes being copious and white-hot ? Just inquire .
Well , for folks like Batman and Iron Man , it ’s a means to an end — they demand a convenient way to keep having new gadgets and armor and doo - dads , and being nasty stink rich gain it explain it quickly and expeditiously . It ’s a lot more effective storytelling than watching Tony Stark work the beano every twenty-four hour period , hoping to make enough scratch to build a new cause of armour .
But there ’s a big reason why many superheroes are rich , and that ’s because they are fundamentally wish fulfillment report , and that pertains to their living outside of the ness , too . People desire to be superheroes , and that ’s often not just because of the powers , but because even their non - costumed lifespan are awful .
Elf - Help
Nick W. :
Are Vulcans space hob ? And if so , how intimately related are they to Sir Henry Wood elves and gamey pixie ? Also , what are their stats ?
Well , obviously they ’re space elves . They were a raceway of pixie taken to Vulcan by an early Starjammer ship near the morning of time , which think of they are closely related to the other pixie , albeit not as secretive as the ease of them are to each other , i.e. wood gremlin and eminent elves are . As for their stats : -1 strong suit , +1 Dexterity , +2 Intelligence , -2 Charisma . Also , no-good for using an T’Pol / Enterprise pic , but I ’m sick of seeing Spock .
Flash Drive
Joseph C. :
For giggle because for obvious reason a Flash movie will never be made , who would be a fit to play Flash ? In my perfect funny book flake world where WB is not a bunch of idiots watching other studio make great moving picture , I would cast ryan Sir Joshua Reynolds as the Flash and diffently have pick a unlike guy to play Green Lantern ( say nathan fillion ) . To make this an even more hard double barrelled interrogation if flash was infect and became a zombie ( so many different types , an infected character say nonmigratory iniquity ) how many could he infect , before he decayed , if he still had his speed .
I think everybody agrees that Ryan Reynolds would have been a much better blink of an eye than a Green Lantern , and Nathan Fllion would have been an awe-inspiring Green Lantern ( although now I fear he ’s a cutaneous senses old for it ) . When I say everybody , of grade , I think every unmarried person living on the major planet except the citizenry who run Warner Bros. movie division .
My vote to play The Flash ? Adam Brody . He ’s young , and he ’s got the chops to be suspicious and represent it serious , which is what I ’d want out of a Flash . Or of course , if WB ever gets their shit together enough to make a Flash picture , I assume we ’ll get Jesse Eisenberg or some equivalent .
As for your Zombie Flash question , short version : I cerebrate we ’d be o.k. , because the Flash ’s world power occur from the Speed Force , which I ’m 99 % sure you have to be alive to use — okay , not animated , flash snuff it all the goddamn meter , but I think you have to have a consciousness to get at it . It ’s not like Superman , who ’s body is just hella unassailable ; The Flash has to consciously utilize the Speed Force to access his power , and an unthinking , undead kernel machine would n’t be capable to do that .
If he can , though , then we ’re all fucked . The Flash could eat every single learning ability on the planet in minutes . … .unless the Flash was a slow zombie , in which case it would probably take him all good afternoon .
Do you have questions about anything scifi , fantasy , superhero , or nerd - related ? Email[email protected ] ! No doubtfulness too unmanageable , no question too slow ! plain !
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